Friday, January 2, 2009

New Year's restitution

Its a new year. Bet you didn't know that! Ha! Okay, bad joke.

Despite my lack of posts, I have been writing when I manage to make time for it. It hasn't been often enough, that's true. I have been doing college courses to make my brain function on a higher level (and my wallet on a much lower level!) and it has been taking much time to complete that work. That is not an excuse, I know. But, how often do we make excuses for ourselves? How often do we say, "I can do that tomorrow" or "One more cookie won't matter after having ate that whole cheesecake..." I do it. Well, not the cheesecake thing, thankfully, but a pan of brownies...mmm, brownies.

Lost my train of thought for a moment, go figure.

Just the same, we all rationalize our actions more often than we would like to admit. That's why my title is "New Year's restitution" instead of resolution. This year, my theme is about paying back. Paying back the time I've wasted in front of the television instead of writing at the computer... Paying back all that horrible Christmas debt (and I'm sure everyone gets THAT)... Paying myself back in writing and submissions because I'm worth it to seek what I really want to be.

I'm seeking a teaching degree. Have I mentioned that? Probably not since I jumped back into courses around the time of my last post. But, as meaningful as that path feels to me, it also feels like I'm giving up something by doing it. Don't get me wrong, I want to be trained to do something more than I already know ("Would you like cheese on that?") and I want to do something I love. But writing is in my soul. I feel so much more than I am when I write, as if I've tapped into some part of me. Imagine that dream we've all had of being Harry Potter (or someone/thing similar). You wake up one morning to find that you are special. Well, when I write something that I feel is extraordinary, I feel special. I don't want to lose that part of me.

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