Sunday, February 17, 2008

Was it the drugs?

I had a (now) rare few moments of free, wakeful dreaming tonight. I was helping my little one sleep (she's sick and has extra need of Mommy right now) and enjoying the sounds and scents of her room. Her air purifier and humidifyer make a nice calming mix of humming and wind noises and we currently listen to award-winners from Disney classics (Zippidy-do-dah, Under the Sea, Candle on the Water, etc.). That, mixed with the vapors courtesy of a Vicks ventilator and my myraid of drugs (wee, sinus infection from hell) put me in a nice, hazy state.

I was lying there, enjoying the comforts when my mind drifted. I remember entertaining the thought of letting myself just fall asleep there, I was so comfortable. My mind began to do its kaledescope of random pictures and thoughts: Is this song too loud? My baby has a cute snore. Did I pay all the bills?...

Words gave way to pictures and I steered my mind gently toward the characters of my novel and got the first clear image (dare I say inspiration?) I've had in many months. I don't know where the image fits, but I came in and sketched it down with the words that danced around when I began to acknowledge what I was seeing in my dozing state. It wasn't much, but it was something.

I admit, I've been a little worried. Shock, right? Because, when do I ever worry? Anyways... I was worried that I have been so out of touch with my novel for so long, that I might not be able to find my way back to a point where I can connect with the story and my characters. That's a scary thought with how far I've gotten on this particular piece. I also admitted out loud today that I would probably be done with this novel if I hadn't stopped like I had. Yes, I had my reasons (or excuses), but I should have pushed on.

I'm not going to beat myself up though. I mean it. Really. I'm just going to try to keep pushing forward. "Keep Moving Forward" is a great quote from several sources including Disney's Meet the Robinsions. Ciao.

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